My Gift is My Blog and This Post's For You

The holidays. Time to sniff the pine in the air and hope your family members like the presents you gave them enough to hold back their disappointment in how you treated them the rest of the year. In the Parkman household, Christmas always meant movie time. The best Christmas movies are always made for tv.

When I was a kid, I loved "To Grandmother's House We Go" featuring the Olsen Twins. I waited every year just for that movie and those were the days when I didn't have a tv guide right on my tv or the ability to view the entire thing on YouTube. I would anxiously wait for the Sunday before Christmas when the newspaper would deliver the paper guide and I would scan every channel for this particular movie. Mary-Kate and Ashley play twins who run away from their single workaholic mother to their Grandmother's house. Along the way, they meet up with the delivery man who just so happens to be in love with their mother. I won't give away the ending but let's just say that there is a rousing rendition of the old "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream" song. I really liked the fact that girls my age (7 at the time) were able to have an adventure by themselves and not get in huge trouble. I think I like holiday movies because no matter what crazy things someone does or says, by the end of movie everyone is drinking eggnog and too drunk to be mad at each other. That's exactly what happens to the Olsen twins, by the way. MK and Ash get too drunk to be mad at each other for eating too much ice cream and not being able to fit into their own brand of pants.

My brother and I really loved "Santa Claus is Comin' To Town." We wanted to rent the movie year-round but were told that we couldn't watch Christmas movies in July. I especially loved movies in general about orphans and adopted children that overcome their humble upbringings to accept their rightful destiny so it was a perfect Christmas movie. The main character, Kris, is orphaned and taken by animals to Tanta Kringle where he because an expert toymaker. He leaves for the big city where toys are outlawed by the nefarious Burgermeister Meisterburger. Of course, Kris meets Jessica, falls in love, helps a wizard walk again, and becomes Santa Claus. It's perfect. It explains the origins of Santa so well that I never questioned the guy. Oh why does Santa bring toys? Cause his family was toymakers to the king and children would write letters to him asking for toys. He was so nice that he couldn't say no. Why do reindeer fly? Because the Winter Warlock was running out of magic and the only way to save Kris from jail was to feed reindeer magic feed corn that enable them to fly and break him out of jail. Duh. Only troubling thing about Santa. That red amish beard.

Community: Where's Burl Ives When You Need Him

Community reminded me of something valuable tonight; Christmas can be whatever you make it. This is the time of year when things look different. Could be the time change, could be the cold, but whatever it is, the transition from fall to winter is hard. Community did what it does best tonight. The show took a classic pop culture Christmas tradition, the stop-motion animation movies, and turned it into something relevant for the modern audiences while adding humor without losing heart.

We can all connect with Abed because Christmas brings back some tough memories*, and watching movies with his mom was his favorite Christmas tradition that helped him through the season. So when she sends him a card telling him she has a new life now, it breaks his heart. Who wouldn't retreat into silicone based stop motion characters to find the meaning of the holiday? The core message of the episode is that even though he once defined Christmas as spending time with his mom, he can transform it into whatever makes him happy. He now has a tight-knit group of friends to spend the day with and they are even willing to stop a crazy Christmas Wizard while standing on top of a train.

Growing up is hard enough and adding on the loss of a favorite tradition doesn't make it any easier especially with the media cramming happy families in our faces. Community did a nice job of reminding us that the holidays don't have to be cookie-cutter to be as sweet as a gingerbread cookie. Not to mention they invented a Christmas pterodactyl.

Let's not forget Shirley as a diapered baby was pretty hilarious. Adults dressed as babies gets me every time. She also got some pipes on her, Shirley's Jesus-inspired solo during the final song was show stopping.

I love when television shows have Christmas-themed episodes because they remind you no matter how bleak life can look sometimes, when you are surrounded by people who love and support you, it brightens even the darkest winter day.

*If there's one thing every child in the world can agree on, it's that Christmas reminds us of betrayal. That was the first lie that ever made us question our parents and their sanity. I remember one year when I was about six or seven when my brother and I slept out in the living room waiting for Santa to bring our presents. He never did. So I woke up the next morning and knocked on my parent's door and said "There are no presents". We were hastily put in our rooms and "Santa" put the presents under the tree. That's how we found out. For the first ten minutes I was awake, I thought Santa had forgotten us. The horror of those minutes was like realizing the milk you are currently drinking is curdled.

Glee: All I Want for Christmas is My Legs or Brother Where Art Thou

^(That's how I feel about it sometimes too)

Let's talk about last night's Glee episode. I don't want to recap it because it will sound like I'm talking about several different Christmas movies and everyone who reads my blog will get confused (So that means I will confuse myself).

First off, why is everyone on this show a single child? Why do none of them have siblings? This is Ohio. People procreate more than this in the mid west. Is the creator trying to send a subliminal message to the public to stop over-population? It's mind boggling. Although, it does explain a lot of their behavior.

Rachel bothers me because it's hard to feel a connection with her character. It seems as though she faces many of the problems of normal teenagers as she is an ultra-competitive, self-conscious, kinda geeky attention whore. However, I find it really hard to like her as person. She is extremely inconsistent for someone who is so self-righteous. It would be easier to believe her inconsistency if they treated her like an actual teenager instead of Liza Minelli. Then I could believe her mood changes were about growing up and not about going through menopause or because the ridiculous plot needed her to act out of character. I mean she has been going on for two seasons about how much she loved Finn. It would have been much more in character if she had tried to one-up Santana by concocting some outlandish scheme involving sleeping with Finn instead of cheating on him with Puck. It just felt like a contrivance to keep them apart.

Brittany's parents remain an anomaly and the show needs to put these two interesting people on the air so we can all see the origins of Brittany S. Pierce. She is the best part of the show by far with one-liners so unexpected you choke on the English toffee you've been inhaling. Her parents must be such whackadoodles to have raised a teenager who believes that dolphins are just gay sharks and who continues to believe in Santa. I guess her parents never forgot to put her presents under the tree.

Kurt and Blaine have no obstacles in their way to be together, and I really can't think of a reason why they couldn't start dating. Is it that Kurt's new to the school? No, that's not a thing. Focusing on studying. No, Blaine singing at some Christmas thing and not in the library. Is one of them in a relationship? No, they are single that we know of. That's a free path to each other. So the show must be waiting for February sweeps. Otherwise, it would have been too quick for them to get together before the show through a wrench into their relationship and add a nice fellow named Thad into the mix to create a triangle.

For kicks, here's the real Wham "Last Christmas" music video. Freshly grated cheese:

Liz Lemon as the Everywoman

One of the reasons I like 30 Rock so much is because I relate to Liz Lemon. Her attachment to sandwiches is a direct link to my own life. As Liz said herself, "I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich". What a profound statement. How many times have you had to eat lunch next to someone you didn't want to talk to? The whole time they are chewing away on their tofu salad and telling some asinine story of their time spent in Atlantic City being mistaken for a prostitute and all you really want to do is enjoy your sandwich in silence.

Watch an episode of 30 Rock and see for yourself how easy it is to slip into Liz Lemon's shoes. She may do things we want to do but because of our self-imposed moral codes, don't. For example, following a crush into a meeting of AA and then pretending to be an alcoholic to get close to them. Like none of us have ever thought of that one. Or trying to trick an adoption agent into considering you to be a parent while they have mild amnesia. Common place deception. What about the time she told Floyd all of her secrets? Like pooping in her pants at an all-you-can eat buffett but not leaving until she finished her second plate of shrimp. Liz Lemon exemplifies what we all think but don't say or what we do but can never tell anyone because it's far too embarassing. Therefore, she is all of us.

Katy Perry Ruins Christmas

In a stunning turn of events, Santa has canceled Christmas due to Katy Perry's guest appearance on a special live-action sequence of "The Simpsons". Mr. Kringle was quoted as saying, "If I am to be repaid for all my hard work, year after year, for millions of children around the world with that tart sliming up my favorite show, then there is really no reason to take flight this year."

Ms. Perry could not be reached to comment as she is filming a segment for a PBS special on the decline of modern civilization.

Parks and Recreation: Knope Floats

With less than seven weeks until the return of my favorite show on television, I decided it was time to fire up the old blog and relive some of the best episodes of Season 2 of Parks and Recreation. Arguably one of the most well-crafted comedy seasons in the history of NBC's "Must-See TV" Thursday night line up, Parks and Rec delivered quality episodes time and again while 30 Rock and The Office struggled to maintain creative and funny story lines. Parks and Rec separates itself from other comedies on television through its use of developed and likeable characters as well as uproariously comedic one-liners and a breakout ensemble cast.

Originally, I was skeptical of Leslie Knope. In the first season, she seemed like Michael Scott part-deux, delusional and awkward. I was pleasantly surprised in Season 2 when the creative team made her an actual human being capable of earning the viewer's respect. Her unending enthusiasm despite working at a thankless job surrounded by career bureaucrats is a positive message that I appreciate. The show offers sentimentality without cramming it in our faces as if we aren't smart enough to understand that it was supposed to be heartwarming. Amy Poehler's performance as Leslie Knope guides the series and her talents as a comedian are not wasted in the background of a sketch.

"Practice Date" made me laugh at loud throughout the entire episode. My standard of hilarity is based on laughs per half hour/how many people are watching with me. I watched this episode alone and laughed for 24 minutes. The episode begins with a city councilman's live press conference explaining his adulterous affair in a cave in Brazil with his stone-faced wife behind him. His excuse: "It was my birthday and I wanted to." Remember, this was over a year ago when being a politician was synonymous with being an adulterer.. This leads the Pawnee staff to engage in a game of who can dig up the most dirt on their coworkers. Meanwhile, Leslie and Dave the cop have agreed to their first date.

As I said before, the ensemble cast makes the show. While the A story is Leslie's practice date with Ann, the background players steal the show with their one-upmanship during the game in the B plot. Poor Jerry is always the butt of the joke but you never feel as though he's the poor whipping boy. The show straddles the line of bullying Jerry and making the viewer feel like Jerry is on the joke. Aziz Ansari plays Tom Haverford as the guy that's been striving his whole life to be cool and now surrounded by the citizens of Pawnee, he occasionally succeeds. Nick Offerman must have known someone exactly like Ron Swanson because his portrayal of the Parks Department head is so nuanced it seems as though this person must exist.

Ron finds out that Tom's marriage is in fact a green card marriage and revels in the fact he bested Tom, who thought himself unbestable. Tom seeks to destroy Ron and Mark Brendanawicz provides him the name Duke Silver and the bar to find the mysterious man in Eagleton. Tom heads to the neighboring town only to find that Ron and Duke Silver are one and the same. Ron Swanson moonlights as the swoon-inducing jazz saxophonist with not one but two cd's. Next month you can puchase, "Memories of Now".

No Andy this episode and very little April except for the trailer. Her video of riding a lawn mower through a Nordstrom and throwing clothes on the ground is a newfound dream of mine.

Leslie's description of her terrible first dates is exactly what everyone fears. I mean who hasn't had nightmares about rolling down stairs while riding in a detached side car or accidentally taking Ambien and having to punch your leg to stay awake in the middle of a date. This was Rashida Jones' turn to step into the comedy spotlight while immersing Leslie in a bad date. Normally, Ann is the straight person and her role is important because it gives a good base for how zany the other characters act but she is pretty funny and I think they should let her use her skills more often. Even on The Office, she never really got to be anything more that Pam's nemesis in the love triangle. Plus, I really enjoy Leslie and Ann's friendship on the show. They are just the most unlikely of compadres but they enjoy each other's company. There are many bromances on tv but so many female friendships are about back-stabbing and cattyness so I like when they show a female equivalent of brohood (that doesn't have a cool name because gal pal isn't going to fly).

And of course, no one plays anxious better than Poehler, bringing conversation cards to the practice date that say "whales, parades, and electricity." or forgetting the name of the bathroom and calling it a "whiz palace". The show also doesn't dumb down the the dialogue. One of Leslie's concerns is "What if I don't bring up Darfur enough?".

Louis C.K. had a great stint as Dave and I think he is a much better actor on this show than he was on his own. Leslie and Dave were perfect romantic foils because they both seem uncomfortable in their own skin while providing each other what the other lacked. Fun in Dave's case and consistency for Leslie. Sidenote- The best part of Louie was his stand-up, the other 20 minutes of the show were so uncomfortable and disconcerting that it was hard to watch. Yet, the show was given second and third chances until it was pretty much to unbearable to continue. If I want to see Louis C.K., I'll go see his stand-up.

A wonderful episode in a wonderful season that only got better from there. If you haven't seen this yet, purchase a Netflix subscription and watch it now or regret it forever.